also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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