And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
