I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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