Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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