Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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