There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
