That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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