what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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