You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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