I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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