wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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