dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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