i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
