you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
