No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
