Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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