Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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