is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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