Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
