i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
