all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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