She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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