On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
