Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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