We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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