Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
