dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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