I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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