When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
