I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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