he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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