Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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