He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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