Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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