omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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