I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
