Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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