do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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