You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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