I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
