EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
