Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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