Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
