just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
