I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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