If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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