Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
