if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
