A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
