I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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