I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
