your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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