Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
