you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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