She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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