should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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