the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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