Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i will never coherently bang her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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