He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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