his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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