i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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