It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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