my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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