Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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