He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
