What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
time to smoke my breakfast
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
