I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
True college students do jello shots in the library
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