if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
