took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
