you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
