I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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