Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
