I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
