It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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