he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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