Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
false alarm, still single
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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