Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
