I cockslap morals
I just threw up on my dentist
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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