Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
