just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
