The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
