What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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