Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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