i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
